Ron Penczak

     From the first Father’s Day after Christopher’s birth, Rosalie always made it a big day in my life. She would give me a nice gift, beautiful cards that expressed the day in a most loving way and always served a special meal, always one of my favorites. She made me feel as though I was the father-of-the-year every Father’s Day.
     As our son Christopher got older, he was able to participate more actively, like selecting cards and probably helped in selecting my gifts.
     Since Rosalie’s passing, Christopher has carried on what she started, always gifting me with something nice on Father’s Day. The cards he selects oftentimes brings me to tears. No, he doesn’t cook me a meal. That’s one of the few things he didn’t pick up from Rosalie.
Rosalie deserves all the credit for raising such an outstanding man. She was not only his mother, but caregiver, administrator, editor and most importantly, his best friend. Well, as she once said, she was his editor and critiqued his writings until they became too advanced and beyond her comfort zone. She took care of the house, me, Christopher, paid the bills and most importantly raised Christopher to be his own man, always encouraging him to pursue his dreams.
     Being a Type A personality incentivized me to work hard to provide for my family. I was driven and wanted to rise professionally. I have no complaints about my professional career, but I’m sorry that I wasn’t more like Rosalie and smart enough to stop and smell the roses. In hindsight I wish I had spent more time with our small family. Oh sure, we enjoyed wonderful vacations. We even took Christopher to Hong Kong on our 25th Wedding Anniversary. There were a number of vacations to Hawaii, the West Coast, Texas, Disney World and Disney Land. Naturally, I attended all of his school award ceremonies and celebrations and his graduations from high school, college and many of his gigs when he had a band. Yet, because of my frequent travels and extended business trips I missed so much of his day to day activities. I now regret that.
    If I had the chance to experience a do-over, I’d like to believe I would take the time to be in synchronization with the loves of my life, Rosalie and Christopher.
Christopher has been an adult for a number of years and has a successful career, two wonderful, loving, caring partners. He has been successful with his writings, teachings and his ministry. I am happy and proud of what he does, how hard he works and the respect he has earned from his peers and friends.
     It’s funny, years ago as a husband and father, I was the take charge guy, especially when it came to vacations. I made the airline, auto and hotel reservations, guided the family through the airports, hotels and more.
     Now that I’ve been retired for 17 years and no longer a husband and, as some have said, elderly, Christopher has taken over the role of being in charge. Now he leads, and I follow. The role reversal suits me just fine.
    Strangely enough, when we first started to travel after Rosalie’s passing, we visited three of the places she and I wanted to visit, Ireland, Greece and Italy. I wonder if Rosalie conveyed these trips through Christopher. All wonderful trips. I’m sure Rosalie watched over us and I hope she gained some satisfaction from our travels.
     Another thing I began to notice years ago, and it has been emphasized more recently, is how intelligent my son and his friends are. I listen to him, his partners, friends and acquaintances talk about different things, politics, social issues and more. They make me realize there is hope for our society and nation and that many of his peers, those following my generation, are intelligent and want to make the Universe a better place. The news these days depresses me and makes me fear for our nation. I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity from time to time to listen to my son and his friends, as they give me hope for the future.
     Christopher much wiser than I could explain, has made me a better person, a more caring, more generous and kinder person. The advice, his thoughts and ideas that he passes on to me every so often have been helpful. I do appreciate his help and assistance in all that he does for me. Again, I see so many of Rosalie’s attributes in him that I’m so thankful that she chose to marry me and to have her gift Christopher with all her life’s values.
     Christopher is not only a superb writer but an excellent debater as well. Christopher spent 12 years attending parochial schools and at each school he was always questioning the catholic religion. On two separate occasions, mercy meals we were attending, we were seated with catholic priests. Christopher, having a different viewpoint on religion ended up discussing a number of issues, and the bible with both priests. The debates were pleasant and there was no winner or loser, but both priests made similar comments. Both said they enjoyed the discussion and were hoping that they could continue the debates at another time. Christopher holding his own with two, for the most part, elderly theologians.
     In conclusion, I would like to give a shout-out to Christopher. He has made my life so much better, has encouraged me to try things I wouldn’t have. I’d like to thank him for all that he has done to make me a better person and a more relaxed person. I’m not where I’m where I want to be, but I’m getting there and Christopher is the one helping me to be who I’m hoping to be. Here’s a SHOUT OUT TO YOU ON THIS FATHER’S DAY JUNW 20, 2020 CHRISTOPHER J. PENCZAK! I LOVE YOU! I’M THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL THAT YOU ARE MY SON!

 

I have been disheartened with our presidents, congressmen and senators ever since 1993, when Hilary Clinton attempted to develop a Healthcare Program that failed.

I’m upset with both parties. During 2010, Obamacare was approved, albeit by two underhanded occurrences. Al Franken unseated Republican Norm Coleman in what some claim to be a stolen election. Arlen Specter then switched his party affiliation to Democrat. These actions gave the Democrats the 60 votes needed to pass Obamacare.

Many are unhappy with Obamacare. Insurance companies Are withdrawing and raising premiums. In NH, the marketplace is shrinking and costs are increasing.

The Republican Party’s goal is to replace Obamacare. Now you are hearing the same objections and arguments from the Democrats that the Republicans used to battle Obamacare . Conclusion, working for the American people is not on the agenda of either party.

Here is a pragmatic approach, maybe too simple for our elected representatives to comprehend.

1. Reduce foreign aid. Let wealthier nations like Qatar, Singapore, Brunei, Kuwait, Luxembourg,and the UAE take on more of this responsibility.
2. Reduce military aid and stop being the policeman of the World where we end paying for wars that sacrifice our military, both human and material.
3. It is time for oil rich nations, especially those near Syria, Yemen and Afghanistan to take on ISIS and similar coteries. It should be their fight to win.
4. Eliminate fraud and corruption within all government factions especially Medicaid/Welfare. Also clean out their own fiefdoms. At one time it was reported that unused flight tickets totaled $100M. Reports on credit card abuse and an unreconciled $25B was reported by the Heritage Foundation which would’ve funded the Department of Justice for one year. There are numerous online reports highlighting the government’s fraud and waste issues.
5. Ensure the next healthcare program passed by Congress includes the provision that all Americans fall under the same health plan, without exemptions for congressmen/senators. Maybe then, our representatives will take the initiative and do what is right for Americans.

I’m not saying eliminate foreign and military aid. Reduce it to the levels that are in line with the percentage of support other nations provide. Eliminating fraud and waste in government might convince those that are playing the system become productive citizens.

If the government took this pragmatic approach, I believe the US Government could provide free healthcare to every American citizen and every legal immigrant. I, for one, would like to see them give it a try. If nothing else, this would provide affordable healthcare for all without having to pay outlandish premiums.

American citizens-aren’t you sick of receiving flyers, phone calls and emails seeking contributions from incumbents and candidates from either party?

Should citizens donate to politicians? Why support politicians who aren’t doing anything for the average American citizens.

Over the years none have demonstrated a desire to lower our more than nineteen trillion dollar debt. Nor have they demonstrated an interest in implementing an affordable and comprehensive health care program.

What about resolving our immigration issues and protecting our borders?

Which ones will ensure that our Social Security System will remain solvent for current and future retirees and that recipients receive annual COLA increases?

What about reducing the high costs of prescription drugs. Shouldn’t candidates be discussing ways to improve upon the benefits and reduce the costs of Medicare and Medicaid?

What about the drug problem in the US?

No politician is looking at ways to eliminate waste, fraud and abuse in our government. What about reducing the size of government? What about balancing the budget?

Discussions have centered on providing aid to immigrants, including illegals, but do little regarding the needy veterans and homeless Americans.

Shouldn’t they be considering reducing foreign and military aid? Government could use those dollars to benefit Americans and make infrastructure improvements.

Our nation is becoming grayer each year and shouldn’t the government be looking at ways to benefit our aging population? Wouldn’t it be great to provide affordable and/or assisted living facilities and health care for seniors?

Which candidates support term limits? Sixty plus percent of Americans supports term limits. Shouldn’t this be an agenda topic?

Politicians receive funding from Political Action Committees and the wealthy. Both donate, with the anticipation that they will receive something in return. Why should the American citizen donate to their campaign and get nothing in return?

Typically politicians are financially better off than the average American. A senators annual salary is $174,000. The majority and minority leaders of the house and senate receive $193,400 and the Speaker of the House receives $223,500. How many of us earn that? Not many, would be my guess. This does not take into account that they also enjoy a personal staff and expense allowance. For foreign travel they can fly US military aircraft for free.

It’s an individual choice but, hell no, I’m not donating to an election campaign. I may change my mind if any of them address the issues discussed above. We need them to work for us, not them and not big business.

     I have been voting in federal, state and town elections since 1961. This years presidential election is the first time that I can remember that I don’t really care for either candidate. My vote is going to go to the person that I believe can do the best job of getting our nation out of the dire predicament its in. Based on what’s been happening over the past two decades concerns me, and what will become of our great nation for future generations.

Worse yet, is the stories being posted on Facebook and several other social media sites. These postings effect me nearly as much as the selection of candidates, or lack thereof, for this election. Many that are being disseminated by so many are, for the most part, shills for one or the other candidate. Many are outright lies, half-truths or innuendos. These postings have resulted in friendships being dissolved, FB friends being blocked and generated much agita between friends, relatives and acquaintances. It’s a shame that an entity such as Facebook can’t develop an algorithm that can sort truth from fiction. It would probably save a number of relationships, perhaps even marriages. Most of all, it would make for a better, fairer site.

I am attempting to stay above this fray by adhering to the teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz. I should thank my son Christopher for gifting me with this book, “The Four Agreements.” This is a book that I have read more than once and every day I try to read one of its passages.

One reading that struck my fancy is based on Don Miguel Ruiz’s Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally. He goes on to say, “Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personally. Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system. So whatever they think about you is not about you, but it is about them. 

I plan to and suggest you keep this in mind.

 

There is not one presidential candidate that I believe understands what it requires to be a successful president of this great nation. I am tired about hearing all of the I-I-I’s. When I become president I will build a wall. When I become president I will provide free college tuition. When I become president I will be a champion for all Americans. Others claim they have balanced state budgets or they have brought thousands of jobs into their states. They all go on and on about I will do this, be this and more. It is all noise with little substance or based on past performance. Don’t tell me what you did; show me what you are going to do.

Each one of them displays narcissistic personalities. They are egotists to the nth degree. They never discuss the United States as being a democracy. They are too self-centered about themselves and want us to believe them, as individuals, will resolve all of our nation’s problems.

The US is inundated with numerous problems and issues, so it is disheartening to see the posturing and listen to the bluster they present to the public. They spend too much time criticizing each other, often sarcastically. They do not spend any time showing us how they will resolve the numerous problems and challenges this nation faces.

Keeping in mind that the US is a democracy and has been for years, I would like the presidential candidates to tell the American public how they are going to work with the senate, the congress and the numerous committees. Our current president has failed to do this.

How is the next president going to work with the many government agencies that currently exist?

What is the plan for reducing our debt? What about the immigration issues, health care, and environmental concerns?

Is the new president going to be a proponent of smaller government? Will this president propose setting term limits for senators and congressmen, and will he or she take steps to put these elected officials on the same playing field as American citizens? This means contributing their fair share to social security, following the same rules that citizens do for health care programs, and investing in  their own 401k plans. What makes them more deserving than the American citizen? I can think of other discussions to address similar issues.

How is the next president going to handle the conflicts in the Middle East and address the disrespect these nations show us? How is the new president going to develop a coalition with our allies in this locale and have them foot their fair share of the costs of these conflicts? What about having them provide personnel and weapons to support these conflicts? What about the international issues with China, North Korea, and Russia?

How about simplifying the IRS tax code? There has been talk about bringing 77,000 pages to three pages. Show us.

I don’t envy our next president, but I’m afraid that she or he does not have a clue on how to resolve these issues. It scares me.

Once the primaries are over, we should place the onus on the candidates to prove to us that they have a plan that is good for the American public and keep us safe as a nation. Whoever does that will get my vote whether or not that person is a democrat or a republican.

As most of my friends know that on August 28th I underwent a quadruple bypass surgical procedure at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Brighton, MA. Having to undergo this procedure blew my mind. I still find it difficult that, it was me, that had his chest split wide open. One part of me is saying they made a mistake. The hospital mixed up my records with someone else, but they hadn’t.

Here I was, a person who exercised diligently for nearly all of my life. I quit running when I hit 73 and started a walking program. I was walking, at a pretty good clip for 80 to 90 minutes a day, five to six times a week. Twice a week I was working out with light weights to maintain body tone. My body weight was appropriate for my height and my Body Mass Index was under what was considered normal for my weight and height. Even if I say this myself, I was in pretty good shape for a 75 year old. I felt good. I felt energized every day. I wasn’t a fanatic about my diet, but I did watch it. I probably ate a bit more red meat than I should have, but I also thought I limited the cholesterol build-up factors through exercise.

The only issue I admit to, is, when walking up a grade I would get a little short-winded. I believed that to be normal.  Once I leveled off, no problems. My breathing returned to normal. I almost blew off my PCP when it came time to taking my stress test. Because of family history, my PCP had me undergo a stress test every two years. Both parents had issues with their hearts, hypertension, strokes and my father also had a brain aneurism. However, I acquiesced to her and underwent the stress test. The cardiologist conducting the stress test stopped me midway stating I had a blockage and needed a catheterization.

I did review my Angiographic Findings. To make a long story short-I had four blocked arteries. Two were blocked at 90 percent, one at 80 percent and the fourth at 70 percent. Each doctor I spoke with, and there were many, were surprised that I did not feel any pain. Each of them said that I was fortunate not to have had a heart attack since my chances of survival were slim. The doctors over several discussions continually stated how lucky I was not to have had a heart attack.

And yet on October 15th my cardio blood-work showed the following. I should state up-front that my blood work earlier in the year displayed similar numbers. In fact, my PCP shouted, “Zoweee, your numbers are outstanding.”  She couldn’t believe how good they were. By the way, she also had difficulty believing I needed bypass surgery.

Here they are: Cholesterol Level  112 mg/di. A good value is anything below 200.                                           LDL Cholesterol, the really bad one, was 48 mg/di. A good value is anything less than 130                     HDL Cholesterol, the really good one, was 55 mg/di. Anything greater than 40 is good.                 My cholesterol Ratio (LDL/HDL) was outstanding as was my Cholesterol/HDL ratio.

Based on blood test results for years, doctors have continually said to me, “Your chances of having a heart attack are extremely low.” My question to both the surgeon and cardiologist was,” With test results this good, how come I ended up with blocked arteries requiring bypass surgery?”

There answer was simple, “There is no accounting for genetics.”

I leave this blog asking you to consider this. If your parents have  or had issues with congestive heart failure, hypertension, heart attacks, strokes or aneurisms talk to your physician about further screenings. Do this even if your cholesterol blood tests are satisfactory. Don’t take a chance. The life you save may be your own.

Based on what has transpired over the past four weeks, I have so much to be thankful for. I truly feel blessed and watched over and protected. I want to thank those that sent me cards, candy,flowers, plants, food and fruit. So much, from so many; thank you. I’m writing this to let people know how much I appreciate all they have done for me and my family.

To begin with, I need to thank my PCP, Dr. Heather Mane, Elliot Medical Center, for convincing me to take the stress test on the 24th of August. I felt good. I believed there was no need for the stress test. If I hadn’t taken it, I shudder at what the consequences might have been.

I need to thank my long time friend Ken Hand for suggesting that I contact Dr. Sunit Mukherjee and request through my PCP that he be my cardiologist. Over this same time frame I have talked to many people, patients and those in the medical field about this doctor and everyone thinks highly of him. Yes, I did go on the internet to determine if anyone complained about him, malpractice suits, etc. He has a clean slate. He also has a sense of humor and a great bedside manner.

Dr. Mukherjee did the catheterization on Wednesday the 26th and that went as smoothly as it could. Trouble is, a stent or stents would not resolve my problem. I required a quadruple bypass. Initially I thought about going to Catholic Medical Center in Manchester. It would be that much easier for Christopher. My father had his bypass surgery at CMC and he recovered nicely. Dr. Mukherjeree recommended St. Elizabeth’s in Brighton and provided the rationale for his recommendation. He also recommended the Chief of the Cardiothoracic Departement to do the surgery, a Dr. Arvind Agnihotri. Christopher agreed with him. I figured if St. Elizabeth’s was good enough for John Sununu, it was good enough for me.

On Thursday, the 27th, I underwent a series of screening and tests. I went for a CAT scan, X-Ray, Ultra-sound of both arms and legs. An Echocardiogram and had blood drawn every few hours. I was good to go. By the way, the CAT scan was done around one am.

I found out that they did six of these procedures five days a week, three in the morning and three in the afternoon. I was scheduled for surgery on Friday afternoon. This may surprise you, it did surprise me, that I never gave a thought that there would be any complications. I believed that all of the prayers,  spells, Reiki and Tong Ren healing energy would ensure that all went smoothly.

My miracle commnenced, I’m sure, as soon as word got out that I would be undergoing surgery. So many people of so many faiths and beliefs sent me prayers, healing intentions, Reiki, Wiccan Healing Spells, Tong Ren saturating the Collective Unconsciousness and the healing began. Eleanor Marks, a Tong Ren practitioner visited me at St. Elizabeths and brought me one of the Tom Tam designed Brain Entrainment healing machines and as a separate entity a healing cord hosting four piezo-electric disks. These were items she purchased for her own use and was kind enough to give them to me. I use the machine and wear the cord everyday. Laura DiGregorio via telecon tapped and sent me Tong Ren healing energy every day, that is, until she left for Ireland. I’m sure she continued to send me healing energy from across the ocean. Tom Tam and Eleanor had called me from Spaulding Rehab Center to let me know that seventy people were there and that they were going to send me healing energy on Sundays. Also, at the numerous classes in Haverhill participants sent me healing energy through the collective unconsciousness. Christopher’s friends sent me healing spells and so many sent me healing through Reiki. I truly am blessed with all of these fine friends, neighbors and friends of Christopher sending me healing energy and prayers. There is no way I can express the gratitude I have towards all of these caring people. Again, Eleanor called frequently and tapped for me and sent me Tong Ren Healing Energy.

I did spend one night and one day in ICU. During the day they had me sitting in a chair for several hours. They also had me walk a few steps. While in ICU I took pain medication once and only one time. I was never in any pain after the one night in ICU. They moved me to a regular room on Monday. While there I was able to pick up my fluid drainage bottles and walk the floor. No pain, no issues. Late Tuesday afternoon they shipped me to Salemhaven for rehab. Honestly, I didn’t believe I needed rehab but agreed to it to make Christopher more comfortable. I wanted him to feel confident that once I went home I could take care of myself.

At Salemhaven they tried to put me in a chair and a bed that had an alarm attached. I did tell them that I was wandering around the floor at St.Elizabeth’s without any issues. I guess after I set off the alarms four times they did check my records and they determined I could get up on my own two feet without any problems. I ended up staying in rehab longer than I needed to because of the holiday. The reason being, there wasn’t a Visiting Nurse that would be available. I did undergo physical therapy and occupational therapy with the therapists discharging me after two sessions. The occupational therapist had me cook soup and had me work my way around the kitchen to demonstrate I could cook for myself. By the way, if anyone ever needs a stint in rehab I suggest they check out Salemhaven. They took great care of Rosalie in 2008 and they certainly took good care of me. I went home the morning after the Labor Day holiday. There were two CNA’s that were still there that took care of Rosalie in 2008. Angie Leonard and Yuby Checo took exceptional care of me. I was truly pampered. Yes, they remembered Rosalie and told me stories about her stay. I felt comfortable chatting with them.

The staff wanted to know if I was some sort of celebrity because I had so many visitors. Here I need to thank Jean Marie for picking up my morning newspapers and a cup of Dunkin Doughnuts coffee every morning that I was in Salemhaven. Also, my next door neighbor Jutta brought me coffee and German chocolates as well other treats. Maria, how can I forget you with all your fruit and cookies. You brought so much that Angie and Yuby had to help me eat it. Jeanne, one of my high school classmates brought me a plant and other goodies. It was a cactus plant and it is still alive. Believe it or not, Terri, a classmate from grades one through six brought me coffee and other goodies plus reading material. Her husband who is fighting cancer came with her. It was nice to see the two of them. My cousin’s widow and his son and daughter-in-law visited. I mustn’t forget my acupuncturist Yvonne Tam drove from Quincy to visit me and then drove to Spaulding to conduct a Tong Ren Healing Session with her father and others at the Spaulding Rehabilitation Center in Chelsea. She put a lot of mileage on that day. So many others came but I’m sorry I can’t remember everyone. I was overwhelmed with all that transpired. Others from the Haverhill Tong Ren group showed up like Judith Raywood and Joe Dagati. I’m sorry that with some people I had to cut the visits short because of my therapy sessions. Friends from work like Ken Hand and John Tiller visited as did Terry and Ralph Dolce.

Christopher John Penczak was my rock. He asked the questions I forgot to ask and should have asked. He’s such a smart young man but I did see right through him. There were times that he maneuvered me into thinking the way he was thinking and I acquiesced to his ideas. For instance, the stint in rehab. I really wanted to go home. In reality, they were the right decisions. Both Steve and Adam were there to support Christopher.

I think I have rambled on long enough. I’m sure I have forgotten to thank people for all they have done; if so, I’m sorry. I am still so overwhelmed by all the prayers, good intentions, kind words of encouragement, the Wiccan spells and the healing energy through Tong Ren and Reiki all worked towards my quick recovery. Each and every doctor, nurse, CNA, therapists and social workers have all commented on how quickly I recovered. There has to be something to all of this.

I just wanted to get the word out that I am truly thankful and grateful for all those that contributed to my healing and recovery. According to the medicos it will be several months before I am back to my old self. I am going to follow their directions and take it easy for the next several months. Yet, I’m willing to bet I beat their expectations.

I’m publishing this on my blog hoping that this story might resonate with someone who might have a concern about a health issue and is hesitant about bringing it to the attention of their physician. Have it checked out.

Where, oh where do I begin. I’m still in shock, never believing this would ever happen to me. Okay, I guess I should start at the beginning. I’m sure most, if not all, of you know that I recently underwent a quadruple bypass surgical procedure. Let me state up front, if something in your gut tells you something is wrong-listen to your gut.

To begin with, I felt healthy. I wasn’t on any pharmaceuticals. No blood pressure medications, my HDL was high, a good thing, my LDL was low, another good thing, and my cholesterol ratios according to my PCP were outstanding, in a good way. I walked between 80-90 minutes five times a week. I had been running until I hit 73. My pulse rate was in the mid to high fifties, all good. My risk, according to statistics, of having a heart attack was extremely low. I practiced Tai Chi twice a week. I felt healthy.

My only issue was, when walking up a steep grade, I would feel a slight tightness in my chest. Once I hit a level area the tightness disappeared. Because of family history, both parents died of heart disease, my PCP suggested I undergo a stress test. She believed it was just precautionary and never believed I would have an issue with my heart. I almost said, “I feel good, let’s wait until next year.” Even though I told myself, nothing is wrong I reluctantly agreed to take a couple of hours out of my day to take the test. I fully believed I would pass the stress test with flying colors.

Twelve minutes into the test the cardiologist yelled, “Stop, you have a blockage and you need a catheterization.” Needless to say, I was in a state of shock. I went home and made phone calls to identify the best cardiologist I could find. I called my PCP to have her set up a meeting with the cardiologist. He reviewed my test and directed me to go to the nearest Emergency Room. The following morning I underwent the catheterization and was told I had four blockages and required bypass surgery. I was transported to St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Brighton. After undergoing a night and a day of testing I was scheduled on the following afternoon to undergo bypass surgery.

To shorten this story a bit, the surgery was successful and I am currently at home recovering from the operation.

Again, I want to get this important message out, that if something is bothering you, don’t ignore it, have it checked out. It may be nothing, but don’t ignore any early warning signs. I fully believed that I was okay, but something within me, said, check it out. If I had ignored my inner self and my PCP’s recommendation and continued with my regimen I might never have survived a heart attack that I never believed would happen to me.

I certainly hope this helps someone.

I recently had a reoccurrence of a conversation that I have had more than once since Rosalie, my wife,  passed away in May of 2011. Shortly after her death, a real estate agent I knew called and queried me regarding my home. Did I want to downsize? Did I want to move? My answer to her was NO! She has called more than once, under the guise that she just wants to know how I’m doing. Her final comment always is, “Well if your thinking about selling, let me know.”  This week, out of the blue, another agent called and stated how the housing market is hot and they are looking for homes to sell. She said, “It is a buyers market and it would be a great time for me to sell.”  She said the house next door to me sold for a fantastic price. Again, I stated I wasn’t interested and told her not to call. When and if I do sell, I’ll find my own agent.

Others, friends of mine, with the best of intentions have made comments about me living in such a big house by myself. They asked, “Don’t you think it would be a great idea to downsize and find a place a bit smaller, a condo, where I wouldn’t have to worry about snow or yard maintenance. Life would be so much easier.” Others have said, “Aren’t there just too many memories in that house. Don’t you want to put that behind you and start life anew?” I know that they all want to do what they believe is best for me.

However, as long as I am physically capable,  mentally competent and financially secure I plan to stay in this house.

Why, you might ask. Back in 1999, when I was seriously thinking about retirement I did my best to convince Rosalie that we should head to warmer climate upon my retirement. She was adamantly against moving. Basically, she enjoyed the four seasons plus Christopher, our son, lived in New Hampshire. End of story. Hindsight being 20/20, I’m glad we stayed. If we moved I would now be alone, miles away from any family, especially my son.

My next suggestion was, let’s build our retirement home. Rosalie reluctantly agreed.  We found a plot of land, hired an architect and signed a contract with a builder. We moved into our new home on August 29th, 2000. Rosalie and I had worked with the architect and contractor. We knew we wanted the Master Bedroom on the first floor with a walk-in shower and a jacuzzi. Rosalie had an arthritic hip, and in our old home, she had a difficult time getting into the shower. I, of course, wanted the jacuzzi. I was and still am into physical fitness and I figured a jacuzzi would provide relief for sore muscles.

The kitchen was all Rosalie. She wanted something compact enough that she could get from stove/oven to sink to countertops with minimum effort. She wanted granite countertops and a double oven. She wanted lots of cabinets. Believe it or not, in this day and age, I had to convince her that we were going to have a dishwasher. In our old house she never let me install a dishwasher. Yep, she said  she didn’t mind washing dishes. Of course, over the holidays, or when we hosted parties, I bet she thought that it would have been nice to have had a dishwasher. Fortunately, our guests, usually or pseudo-adopted daughters helped with the dishes.

Rosalie insisted on having the clothes washer and dryer on the first floor.  That was a no brainer. Especially now, since I have to do my own laundry.

Rosalie found two Italian sisters to paint a mural in our foyer. The lead artist did paint scenery for broadway shows, both in NY and in Boston. Rosalie selected a painting of Lake Como in Italy. She also selected a drawing of the Goddess Diana for one of the walls.The artist did her best to portray Rosalie in the mural as Diana, the Huntress. It wasn’t a bad portrayal of Rosalie when she was healthy. The painting of Lake Como depicts several homes along the waterfront. Rosalie would tell guests that one of the houses belonged to George Cooney, and the one next to it, was ours.  A few actually believed her and asked more questions. Yes, Rosalie did have a sense of humor.

Rosalie wanted a statue for our back yard. We couldn’t find one of Diana, the Huntress, but we did find one of Vesta. She is the virgin goddess of the hearth, home and family in Roman religion. Vesta’s presence is symbolized by the sacred fire that burned at her hearth and temples. Her closest Greek equivalent is Hestia. We installed an Arbor over Vesta.Rosalie would frequently visit the statue, even during the winter.

I always told Rosalie that she missed her calling. She should’ve been an interior decorator. Everything in the house is pure Rosalie. We bought furniture together, but she is the one who selected each and every  piece. All the drawings and paintings hanging our our walls is what Rosalie selected. Who was I to argue. She just had an eye for interior decorating.

People may accuse me of living in the past since I haven’t made any significant changes in the house. Yes, I did have the walls painted, but that was it. When it came to the way things were laid out in the house, I didn’t change a thing. The pots, pans, dishes, silverware and the closets are the way Rosalie set things up. Yes, I did donate her clothes and other items of hers to Goodwill. I gave away her favorite leather coat and a few pieces of jewelry and other goodies to friends of ours, friends of hers, people I knew who would appreciate and value them. This action made me feel good. All of the pictures that Rosalie had me hang up are still where she wanted them. Rosalie was good at organizing items that made her tasks easier. Why change it?

We lived in our old home for thirty years and in our new home for nearly eleven years. Yes, there are lots of good memories here. I have fond memories in each and every room; all for different reasons. It makes me feel good to reminiscence about the good times we had in this house. What comes to mind so frequently are the parties and dinners we hosted,  the Samhain Celebrations, business dinners and the simple joy of just having a few friends over for dinner. One party in particular, was for a close friend of ours from Raytheon. His name was Pat. He was the one who did all the paperwork and assisted Rosalie with shots, visa forms and more. His efforts allowed us to head to Korea right after we were married. He didn’t know the party was for him. Pat was diagnosed with colon cancer and his time was limited. Rosalie and I rounded up as many of the people that knew him and invited them to our home. Rosalie, as usual, did a wonderful job of hosting the party. Lots of food, good company and plenty to drink. Rosalie always made too much food, never wanting anyone to leave hungry. This gathering brought Pat to tears. We were happy that we were able to do this for him. I should mention that Rosalie was most satisfied that we gave him a respectful send off while he could still enjoy it.  All in all, we had  many good times together and with others in our home, now, my home.

Most of all, what I remember vividly,  is when it was just the two of us. We would start out our day with having coffee in bed, just talking about nothing in particular. Some of our best times were sitting in our  three-seasons room. Me having a cocktail before dinner and Rosalie usually having water or nothing and just talking. It seemed like we were never at a loss for words. It was enjoyable. Many spring, summer and fall evenings we would just sit in that room and enjoy the view and each others company. We didn’t always have to talk.

Typically over the weekend, I would find a recipe to try. We laughed and joked about Rosalie being my prep cook and me being the chef. Yeah, right!  Often she would have to save my rear by intervening in correcting something I was doing wrong. I have to admit, I don’t always follow the directions. With Rosalie, cooking came so easily to her that she was always a step or two ahead of me. Yes, she  certainly saved more than  one of my gourmet meals.

You may find this hard to believe but there are times when I feel Rosalie’s spirit around. It seems like she is looking over my shoulder and keeping me from doing something stupid like burning my dinner. Yes, I  do a lot of my own cooking, but I miss my prep chef. I guess I could go on and on about my rationale for not wanting to move.

In conclusion, I don’t want to move away from the reminisces that I hold dear, especially the feeling that Rosalie is nearby.

During the heavy rain this morning I was sitting in one of our comfortable chairs in our Three-Seasons Room watching the world go by. The rain was pelting on the roof in a steady rhythm. It was a monsoon type rain that reminded me of  a similar situation back  when Rosalie and I first moved into our new home.

It was a Saturday afternoon,  September, 2000, Rosalie and I were sitting in matching comfortable rocking chairs and looking over our newly seeded lawn and in the background the thick bushes and trees. It was raining, similar to the rain we had today. At times it was monsoon like and one could barely see through the heavy windblown rain. I was having a Manhattan and indulging in a handful of cashews. Yes, I remember it that vividly. Rosalie and I were just chatting as we usually did late afternoons before dinner. All of a sudden Rosalie’s eyes got big and round and her mouth was wide open. She was looking past me and to my right.

Out of the thick brush came a water soaked grey fox. If looks could kill, that fox would’ve dropped us without any hesitation. I remember the look in his eyes and I could probably paraphrase what he was thinking. I’m sure his thoughts were: What the hell are you two looking at? There you are, in a dry, comfortable room with a drink in your hand. Here I am soaked through to my bones and looking for a dry place without you gawking at me. He quickly crossed our back yard and slid under my next door neighbors shed and hunkered down for the time being. From that point on, whenever it rained heavily and we were in our favorite room we would remind one another about the water logged fox.

And today, it was Deja Vu, out of the wall of rain came a grey fox giving me the same drop dead look. This time he scampered across the yard and headed into the woods. No stopping this time.

Yes, it brought back the memories of that day in September, 2000.